Phew, finally hadithuna is up and running. Alhamdulillah 
The post below was meant for 3 4 5 days ago. So sorry that it’s a bit bangas now. 
Anyway, something must be in the air right now. Can you feel it? I dont know why but somehow the topics of relationship, love and marriage seem to crop up e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y. I also find myself as a point of reference on a daily basis. Maybe I have “Dr. Lurveee” written on my forehead or something. Don’t tell me everyone’s bitten by that valentine mumbo jumbo. Remember valentine’s day is NOT an Islamic celebration. So let’s turn our backs to Mr Valentine shall we?
But I must say, it certainly is astonishing how confusing and complicated relationships can be! I certainly can write a book out of everyone’s stories and come out richer than Rowling.
Back then I wondered why is this bf-gf thangg so complicated? Coz seriously, when my girlfriends cry, I cry! Their pain is my pain. Its painful cause there’s nothing much that I could do to fix the problem. I couldn’t just march up to the source of heartache and demand him to fix the broken heart, could I now?
After sooo many tears shed, I came to realise that there was just something wrong with this whole bf-gf thing but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I even had students coming up to me asking for advice on their relationship problems! Funny enough, although Ive been reading many Islamic books and articles, it took me awhile to come up with this question: Maybe relationships between non-mahram men and women are so complicated because it is not, in actual fact, an Islamic type of relationship? Know what I mean?
I mean, Islam is a way of life, OUR way of life and if we follow it completely, we will see how easy Islam is.
“And strive in His cause as ye ought to strive, (with sincerity and under discipline). He has chosen you, and has imposed no difficulties on you in religion; it is the cult of your father Abraham….”(22:78)
Dan berjuanglah untuk Allah
dengan perjuangan yang sebenar; Dia telah memilih kamu, dan tidak meletakkan ke atas kamu kesusahan dalam agama kamu, anutan bapa kamu, Ibrahim…..22:78)
So I thought, maybe relationships outside marriage are difficult, because they are not meant to be as a part of our life. In Islam, we are taught to take someone as your fiance or wife or husband, but girlfriend or boyfriend?? Nope. You can search the Qur’an from cover to cover and will find nothing that gives you the green light on the notion of boyfriends and girlfriends.
Islam teaches Muslim wifes to be obedient and Muslim husbands are told to follow the examples of Rasullullah s.a.w when running the household affair but I can assure you that there are no manuals on how to prevent your girlfriend from sulking or how to ensure your boyfriend from running off with other girls. Why aren’t there any manual on these? Obviously because that girlfriend-boyfriend thing is just not part of Islam.
But then, if we got no boyfriend/girlfriend, how are we going to get married? Surely we cant just marry any man/woman??
Ahhh then this is where Islam comes in. Islam tells us how to choose potential husband/wife.
For the men, remember this hadith:
“A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
“Wanita itu lazimnya dinikahi kerana empat perkara: i) kerna hartanya ii) kerana keturunannya iii) kerana kecantikannya iv) kerana agamanya; maka pilihlah wanita yang mempunyai agama, (jika tidak) maka binasalah engkau.” (Bukhari dan Muslim)
And ladies, observe this hadith:
“If one with whose religion and character you are pleased comes to you (to seek your daughter’s hand in marriage), then marry (your daughter) to him.” (Tirmizi)
“Jika datang kepada kamu seorang lelaki yang engkau redhai agamanya dan akhlaknya untuk meminang perempuan kamu maka nikahkanlah dia.” (Tirmidzi)
So ladies and gentlemen, problem solved! Look for someone who is religious.
But how can we tell whether our knight in shining armor/maiden is truly religious?
Ahhh then what we need are spiesss. Trustworthy ones of course! Someone who knows your object of affection very well. Look at Khadijah, she didn’t spend years dating Mohammad s.a.w to see whether he is a good man or not. She had Maisarah, her servant, to check on our beloved Rasulullah s.a.w while they were on a business trip in Al-Syam.
Okeh after we have spies……then what??
Istikharah my dear, ask for guidance from Allah . Or you can pray Istikharah first then ask your spies to do their work. Whichever suits you.
At the same time, one should also focus on making oneself a better person both internally and externally and insyaAllah the good apples will suddenly show up (and hopefully ask for your hands, if you are a girl that is! :p) hehe.
Vile women are for vile men, and vile men for vile women. Good women are for good men, and good men for good women. (An-Nur: 26)
Perempuan-perempuan yang jahat adalah untuk lelaki-lelaki yang jahat, dan lelaki-lelaki yang jahat untuk perempuan-perempuan yang jahat dan (sebaliknya) perempuan-perempuan yang baik untuk lelaki-lelaki yang baik dan lelaki-lelaki yang baik untuk perempuan-perempuan yang baik. (An-nur-26)
Sometimes I think we spend too much time worrying about things that has already been promised to us.
We worry about not having enough money at the end of the month, but Allah has already promised that HE will give us rezk, sometimes in the form that we can never imagine.
Dan Dia memberi rezeki dari arah yang tidak disangka-sangkanya. Dan barangsiapa bertawakkal kepada Allah
And He provides for him from where he does not reckon. And whoever puts trust in Allah
We worry about who will be our lifetime partner in life, but Allah has already promised that each one of us have our own jodoh. Then why worry? Why change your partner every a year or so when in the end you will end up with your jodoh anyway?
Have faith that if he or she is your jodoh, then Allah will make sure that both of you are compatible in every single way. If you believe in this, then why bother going out with someone for 5 yrs or so, just to see whether s/he is the one or not? Are we saying that we know better than HIM, our Creator? Surely we do not!
Dan di antara tanda-tanda kekuasaan-Nya ialah Dia menciptakan untukmu istri-istri dari jenismu sendiri, supaya kamu cenderung dan merasa tenteram kepadanya, dan dijadikan-Nya di antaramu rasa kasih dan sayang. Sesungguhnya pada yang demikian itu benar-benar terdapat tanda-tanda bagi kaum yang berpikir. (Surah ar-Ruum [30]:21)
Among His proofs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility and contentment with each other, and He placed in your hearts love and care towards your spouses. In this, there are sufficient proofs for people who think. ” [30:21]
See? Life will be so much more stress-free if you just let Allah run your affairs. We cant run our own affairs. We are too weak to do so.
Dear brothers and sisters, this gf-bf thing should not even exist in our vocabulary. It is something that was made to sound cool by the west. Our grandparents didnt find the need to date each other for years, and look at them? Still happily married. But look at the marriages now? Some dated for 10 years but filed for a divorce after a week of marriage. So clearly, dating does not help in choosing potential husband or wife.
Having said that, if you are currently in lurrveeee, observe this hadith:
Tidak ada yang lebih patut bagi dua orang yang saling mencintai kecuali nikah (Ibni Majah)
Nothing is better for two people who love each other, than nikah (Ibn Majah)
I particularly love this hadith below:
Cintailah kecintaanmu dengan sedang, boleh jadi ia menjadi kebencianmu suatu hari. Dan bencilah kebencianmu dengan sedang, boleh jadi ia menjadi kecintaanmu suatu hari. (At-Tirmizi)
Love someone you love moderately,perhaps he will be someone you hate one day and hate someone you hate moderately, perhaps he will be someone you love one day. (At-tirmizi)
Above all else, we should love Allah the most. More than our parents even.
Let me leave you with this saying by Imam Nawawi:
“Aku menyintaimu kerana agama yang ada padamu, jika kau hilangkan agama dlm dirimu, hilanglah cintaku padamu”
“I love you because of your religion. If you lose your religion, then you will also lose my love for you.”
Sighh ain’t that romantic??
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muslimahmelayu
Saya amat bersetuju dengan saudari di mana di dalam Al- Qur’an tidak disebut mengenai boyfriend dan girlfriend. Ini kerana Islam tidak membenarkan hubungan sebegitu yang akan menjurus ke arah maksiat seperti zina.
Saya juga suka kepada ayat berikut:
Dan di antara tanda-tanda kekuasaan-Nya ialah Dia menciptakan untukmu istri-istri dari jenismu sendiri, supaya kamu cenderung dan merasa tenteram kepadanya, dan dijadikan-Nya di antaramu rasa kasih dan sayang. Sesungguhnya pada yang demikian itu benar-benar terdapat tanda-tanda bagi kaum yang berpikir. (Surah ar-Ruum [30]:21)
Ini menunjukkan keadilan bagi seseorang yang mencari jodoh. Orang yang baik dijodohkan dengan orang yang baik begitu juga sebaliknya.
Tetapi cinta yang sejati dan akan kekal selamanya adalah cinta kepada Allah
. Jikalau ingin mencari pasangan carilah yang cintakan Allah 
dan cintailah pasangan tersebut kerana agamanya. Bukan kerana harta kerana ia akan habis dan tidak dapat dibawa ke alam barzakh, bukan kerana cantik kerana ia akan hilang dimakan umur, dan bukan juga kerana pangkat atau keturunan.
Salaam syafrizal
Your comment reminded me of the story of a famous Imam ( in which i cant remember who! erk) whose father was a bit sad when he first saw his wife and found that she wasn’t good looking.
The wife who was very religious and knowlegeable understood why her husband was sulking at the corner of the room, simply smiled at him an recited an ayah from the quran. if im not mistaken it was Al-baqarah:216, “…boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu tetapi ia amat baik bagimu.”
The husband, upon hearing the ayah, relised that his wife may not be a good looking woman but a very religious one. A quality far more special than beauty.
They lived happily and their children all became Ulamas. One of them is that famous imam. I cant remember who…i think it was Imam Anas. But i need to check on that.
Masya Allah
.
a very good reminder sweetie. Well done!!
Whee whee. I es gots story, can’t wait to see the girls!!
Salaam.
KKH and GG!
xoxoxo
Waalaikumsalaam darl. Jazakillah hehe.
Storyyyy!! wahh i lurvee storyyy! Do i have to wait till friday to hear it????? hehhehe. ( altho i hv the feeling i know what it ;p)
KKH and GG!!
Assalamu’alaikum =) really love ur post here abt the relationship thingie. i love the saying from Imam Nawawi, “Aku menyintaimu kerana agama yang ada padamu, jika kau hilangkan agama dlm dirimu, hilanglah cintaku padamu” and yeah, i always stick to it =)
I dun understand jua knapa kebykkan org inda menitik beratkan soal agama dalam pergaulan especially sebelum nikah. i’ve read some religious books jua, and bercinta selepas kawin ane lebih indah drpd cinta sebelum berkawin. dan kita mesti ingat jua Cinta kepada Allah
adalah cinta yg paling agung =) ada jua org mau berkawin tpi inda mau byk anak.padahal Nabi Muhammad S.A.W mengeshorkan kahwin utk mengembang biakkn umat Nabi. kalau takutkn financial prob, siapa tani kan menentukan rezeki tani?Allah yg menentukan rezeki2 setiap makhluk2 d muka bumi ane. Setiap anak yg dilahirkan adalah rezeki. what i heard from Mufti, family planning ane inda kana galakkn. lainlah halnya kalau bini2 atu ada penyakit yg memudharatkan dirinya.
Seseorang yg beragama dan beriman kepada Allah
inda akan melakukan perkara2 yg ditegah dan yg haram dalam Islam. selalu jua kitani liat org yg bercouple2 ane, kalau berdua2an , sudah berdosa, apa lagi kalau yg perempuan atu inda menutup aurat, menunjukkan auratnya kpd bfnya.iatah perkara2 cemani boleh mendatangkan gejala sosial.
Seseorang yg membaca al-Quran dan memahami isi kandungannya, takut ia kan membuat yg inda tantu2, takutkan azab Allah
.
Mudah2an tani bertemu dgn jodoh yg tani mau, jgn tah memikirkan soal rupa atau harta, yg penting ia beriman kpd Allah
serta RasulNya, InsyaAllah..
Wassalam =)
This post remind me of one the best selling novel.. ‘Ayat-ayat Cinta’…. it was a very great novel.. this novel can give us the inspiration for walking in this life… http://ayatcinta.wordpress.com/2008/01/30/novel-ayat-ayat-cinta/
hope u read it already
salam ka MM, masyaAllah, this is such a thoughtful post.
.
Just the other day, I warned my friend of zina hati, and how wrong it is to have feelings for someone for reasons other than Allah
Ada tia nah, another link for her to read. Jazakillah for the post, sis.
Nice article. Read mine if you have the time: http://kakiblog.com/2007/06/09/why-not-dating-dulu-baru-kahwin/
Very inspiring =)) thk u for the post